I'm trying to be your friend.
WHAT IS FRIENDSHIP.
Someone you trust.
Someone who listens to one.
Someone you can tell anything.
Someone that you do not have to tell everything.
Someone who does not tell your secrets.
Someone you have fun with.
Someone you can do nothing with.
Someone who does not condemn one.
Someone you can be yourself with.
Someone who is not selfish.
Someone who can feel empathy / sympathy.
Someone who does not run over one.
Someone who does not take you for granted.
Someone who can accept the other's weaknesses.
Someone who can see your true self.
Do I have high standards? They are the requirements I have in myself. I have therefore also the requirements of others, probably a bit more in the subconscious. Maybe not fair, but the truth is the truth. Therefore I can easily feel cheated and betrayed. Separation Anxiety at a high level.
It is difficult to try to be friends with someone who does not want to be a friend back. I'm trying to be your friend but it is not going good. I'm trying to think positively, and accept compromises, but I don’t get feedback, you are not listening, you do not respect or accept and you aren’t there when I need your support at the most. You just make everything worse.
But I oppose your resentment and your way of trying to destroy me, for my own surviving. I oblige you even though I don't like to have you with, but I accept that you are in my life, and after a while you do the right thing and leave me in peace. I will do everything to make friends with you. For our both sake.
I just want to make the best of the situation, but sometimes you turn me down. Sometimes I have been below the surface and wanted to hit rock bottom, but I have always taken me up. Sometimes you takes over me. You make me react on the basis of uncontrolled thoughts and feelings. I know it's wrong. I know it does not work in the long run. I will not be afraid of you and absolutely not let you decide, take over and be mean. I have become stronger, I am stronger than you.
I know I will never ever get rid of you, a little part of you will always be there, a little part of you should always be there. That is how it should be. But you will not win the fight. I've been there, I have lived with it, I have learned by experience, I have taken me out of it, and I will keep myself standing. When you see me again, I know exactly what to do.
So long, sucker.
